Newborn Parenting: Tips and Tricks

Being a parent to a newborn again has made me realize that some important tips and tricks need to be shared, they have helped me a ton, so writing them out seems necessary. Each baby is different, each will require some slight tweaks to your methods but after now having two daughters, I can at least use the same fundamental techniques and that is what I hope to address to help the next dad stepping into fatherhood. I just have my own personal experience to write from so the purpose of this post is to help fellow dads, unfortunately I won’t be of much help with advice to moms.

First off, it may be the ways of previous generations to have the moms do the child raising and the dads just provide financially for the family, but I believe in equal sharing of duties when having a baby. The scales are already heavily outweighed toward the moms because of having to carry the baby for 9 plus months and then end that long journey with grueling painful labor, which means the dads need to really step it up when the baby actually arrives. During the first two trimesters, there’s not much you can do as the dad but in the third trimester, when all the body aches and pain really get uncomfortable, I suggest to cater to the mom as much as possible, such as fetching her whatever random craving she has and rubbing her back/feet. I made the following mistake before our first daughter was born, but no matter what, do not mention words of anything possibly grossing you out during the delivery. Do what is within your comfort limits in terms of helping, but it goes a long way to be involved with the active labor, coaching her through breathing, holding her legs during contractions, and then cutting the umbilical chord is highly recommended, for your own bonding sake.

So getting into the actual matter of caring for your newborn baby, if the mom is going to be breastfeeding, that does not excuse you from still being just as involved and helpful. Change diapers more often than not, and don’t ask for permission, just be proactive by changing them on your own if it’s been a couple hours or when you hear of the blowouts. This applies to the day time, so that way the mom can be resting as much as possible. In the middle of the night, I don’t recommend staying asleep through the night while the mom wakes up 4-5 times a night in the beginning, it’s almost a certainty that she will look at you with a fiery rage while you stack z’s for consecutive rem cycles and she’s hanging on by a thread. The interrupted sleep nights are a short phase, so man up, and do your part, and by that I mean start by waking up when the baby cries or is due for a feeding. It will make the breastfeeding easier for the mom if you first change the babies diaper. For one, I suggest changing the diaper before the feeding because your baby will likely get milk drunk after nursing and is easier to fall back asleep in that state, than if you change the diaper after the feeding then it could wake up your baby and thus making it harder to fall back asleep. Before actually changing their diaper, I recommend to get your monies worth on that already dirty diaper, by pumping your babies legs to see if you can squeeze out any poop, plus you may at least release some gas which will make them feel better. When the baby is cleaned up and handed off to mom for the feeding, it should take about 20-30 minutes to nurse, hopefully, so wait around because then I believe it’s important to rock your baby back to sleep for a couple reasons. For one, it allows the mom to go back to sleep, which she needs to recover energy for nursing again in just a few hours, and second, rocking your baby to sleep is as sweet as it gets for bonding, you become their safe place and knows comfort in your arms. These little things are not going to break you but it’s the way us dads can be as involved as possible and showing you care to your partner and they are not in this alone.

When it comes to rocking your baby to sleep, it helps to have them swaddled in some capacity, and then the main rule is to match the babies tone. What that means is if your baby is calm, then the rocking technique can stay calm, but if your baby is crying and stretching/moving around, then you need to crank up the intensity. What I have found that worked for both of my daughters for intense rocking, is to hold them tight against your chest, use one hand to firmly pat their lower back, and do a combination of a sway and bounce movement, and then can even throw in a rhythmic shushing with your mouth if you don’t have a sound machine. Don’t expect this to work immediately, it may take several minutes, which feels like an eternity with a wailing baby, but keep it up for however long they are crying hysterically, and then as they begin to settle down, then also lower the intensity of your rocking, meaning a softer butt pat and slower sway and bounce. I feel like it works well to keep lowering the rocking intensity to an almost snails pace as they are falling more and more asleep before you place them in the bassinet/crib so that way your baby does not feel a drastic difference from being rocked to just laying on their bed.

I hope this helps, even a bit, and if anything else comes to mind worth sharing, then will be updating this post but the one thought I want to end with, is just be aware of the needs of both your baby and the mom, be proactive if you think of something that can help, then do it, and remember that the tired zombie state will end sooner than you think and you will actually look back at these days and miss your baby being that little and precious. Being present is one of the biggest things I can recommend, the days may feel long but the years go by fast, so cherish it all as much as possible.